From lmartell Tue Apr 13 14:16:09 1993
From: lmartell
Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage
Subject: daily raptures
Status: OR


Some days ago my Lord whipped me intensely. It was not the most
severe flogging I ever received - I remember well other, harsher
occasions - but the Domination/Submission space was so wonderfully
constructed that the ongoing effects of it lasted until now: and
they are still present now, now while I'm writing. At the end of
that exquisite scene I truly desired only what my Master desired,
dreamed only what my Master dreamed, wanted only what He wanted...

I had better, maybe, point out how all this was not AT ALL the
destruction or denial of my personality, originality and uniqueness -
on the contrary!  I'm a complex, complete human being - AND I am
His total, eternal slave.  This recent, breathtaking deepening of
my already deep slavery now shines in the most common aspects of my
everyday life.

Like mystics, since the most ancient times, have found in every
wood, stone, penitence and denial a way to be with God, in God, of
God; so I'm finding, in these warm, crystal days of April a new
way to be with my Lord, in my Lord, of my Lord - to be One with
Him, and through Him to be One with the Goddess, with my God of
the Cross and of the Sword, with the whole Universe. Today the
ecstasy is so intense I find it hard not to cry my joy to the world,
with screams so high to wake up the dead...

O, this is a most wondrous blessing - and yet - the flame of love
blazing inside me right now is so immense, so fierce a fire, I'm
even awed and frightened by it... should I die right now, should
I right now suffer torture, should all my blood flow away into a
sacred chalice - all this would be like nothing, compared with the
totality of my love...

I would like to have, just for an instant, such a sublime power to
manipulate words, that it would let me create glittering pinnacles
of poetry, fantastic castles of beauty, in which my adoration for
Alex - and for God, and for the Universe - could shine with
astonishing splendour, at least a little portion of its true
brilliance...  

And not my adoration only; more than this, I wish I could show
everybody the fact that it IS possible to burn in this furnace -
that it's the wonderful heritage of everyone to see the sun shine
on the snow of these white mountains.  It is so incredibly hard -
it is so ridiculously easy!

I hear Fenris, my spirit-guide, I hear him pushing me sweetly and
strongly in this path, helping me, sustaining me. When darkness
will return for me, I'll remember this time of grace, and darkness
will be trasformed into light, and all will be One again.  The
Way is so childishly simple to say... I hear it in Fenris's voice:

Don't be afraid of what you are: of the whips, the knives, the pain,
the sex - all this magic is for you to use, so you can love, so
you can create.  Care not if people don't understand what you do -
even if they despise you.  No, you are not crazy for your enjoyment
of suffering, of conquest, of surrender.  Let those who have a heart
feel it beating in their breast...

Be afraid, on the contrary, of REAL violence: of egoism, of ignorance,
of laziness.  Conquer them, always, inside and outside you. Most
of all be afraid of lies: stick to truth as much as possible.

Oh, I'm so woefully human, so full of limits, defects and
imperfections... but - while I do strive to improve myself, always -
yet at the same time I am not pained by my own deficiencies:  I
offer them, too, in sacrifice - together with my love, with my
submission, with my poetry - in a burnt offering to my Lord and
Master, to my Goddess, to the Universe, hoping, and knowing, that
I shall be accepted, and loved, for what I really am.

And accepted I am, and loved; as every sincere, loving heart always
is; as the scent of the sublime offering fills the heavens.


Blessed be,
    Laylah