From: lela@am.sublink.org (Laylah Martelli) Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage Subject: on the edge Summary: the most beautiful evening of my life Date: 16 Oct 92 20:27:04 GMT WARNING: those who consider "too heavy" some of my real-life accounts may REALLY dislike this; at the end there IS some stuff even I do consider "heavy", and Alex, although we did and lived this together, IS a bit overwhelmed now by READING it, as he was helping me clean up a bit the formatting as usual (thanks sweet slave!). Alex tells me that if you now press the 'n' key (in most readers) you will skip right to the next posting, and avoid this one. So *please* no flames such as I got recently in email - this disclaimer was quite explicit - press 'n' now or suffer the consequences. Thanks. Thanks, dear friends, for being still with me. Nothing really that terrible in a sense, just the usual play with love, life, pain, power, death, and eternity:-), but just so as to frighten away the vanilloids who keep reading this group who knows why! Here it is: Yesterday evening, Alex returned home with a tired smile on a "my boss squeezed me as a lemon" face and told me: "Darling, I'm exhausted, and I have a terrible head-ache. I don't feel very toppish just now. But I love you so much..." I answered, severe and sweet at the same time, "Honey, it's just perfect; I DO feel very Lady this evening. Go to the living room, and sit in your armchair... and relax yourself, it's an order!" He obeyed me, and I went to our bedroom, picked up a small coloured box and returned to him. "Open the box" I said, enjoying his beautiful glance of total adoration. "Lady, I can't... I mean, it seems that my fingers are totally..." I saw in his beloved face the marks of lack of sleep: motherly I caressed his cheeks then I opened the box. Inside there was a lovely tree, made of gold, with the writing: "I love you". I opened the gold chain that I've put on his neck last year and inserted it near his crux ansata. "My beloved slave sixteen years of life together are not a day..." I kissed him and I stood up, in my wool short dress and boots. First he knelt and embraced my legs, afterwards he threw himself at my feet and began licking my boots in a wonderful way. He kissed them for a long time, while I was caressing his hair and biting his neck and shoulders. After a while I told him to stand up and I began to speak of nice things... His face became pale as a sheet and he said: "Lady, I feel my head spinning, and I've eaten nothing today... With your permission can I sit and feed?" "Of course, darling, come to the kitchen with me. Sit down" We began to eat. I was happy, excited, and I tried to chat with him. Afer a while, however, I opened more than usual the telepathic channels with which I'm always in contact with my beloved. And I felt - I felt his enormous tiredness, his throbbing head-ache, his unlimited love for me, his burning desire to please me, and the pains in his sinews and bones. I kissed him and I said: "Darling, it's better we switch now to an enlightenment mood. You are not feeling well." For some minutes we ate in silence, thinking and meditating; then suddenly he threw himself at my feet, embraced my anckles, kissed my legs and said: "Forgive me Lady! Please, be on top again..." What would have you done with the most wonderful slave of the world at your feet? I used him. It. I slapped it, I kissed it, I bit it, I fed it with my hands choice morsels in his mouth while having it kneel straight upright with hands behind back and eyes closed... Then, at the end, I put my hand on his throat, lightly. Alex looked at me, deeply. His voice changed and he asked: "May I switch to Lord, Mistress?" Alex and I are always synchronized, so happily though surprised I answered him: "Yes, my Master." He stood up, slapped my face, and with his right hand began to clench my neck and throat. An overwhelming lake of pleasure was on me, and I said: "Green, green my Lord!" He used more strength. My eyes were closed, my head overturned, I was in the sweetest of heavens. I sank into the most delicious sea... At a certain point my Master stopped. I opened my eyes and I kissed his hand with worship and devotion: " My Lord, please, please..." "What do you want, slave?" I answered: "Please, can you repeat that? I will maintain my eyes open, this time, and you will be able to see their expression... please, Master!" This time he began, slowly and strongly, to strangle me. I was on the edge of an abyss: NEVER I've experienced anything like this. I was just seeing his beautiful dark lordly eyes, full of love and mastership, when, all of a sudden, my sight changed, my consciousness was completely altered, and his beloved face slowly vanished away... There I was, in the middle of the most splendid double spiral of universes... I was walking on the Milky Way, black and red suns were enflamed and destroyed... There I was at last: I saw the most clear Light that you can immagine and I saw the GRAIL, my hands were on It... I felt a sweetness so great, an ecstasy so pure that my heart almost broke... then just when I was beginning to drink from the holy vessel the voice of Alex reached me, from a far distance... I slowly woke up. "Laylah, can you see me? Can you hear me? My God, your hands and arms, your face are violet, you are as cold as ice... give me your wrist!" He began checking my pulse. "It's weak and not regular. Now you must go to bed. I will help you." I said: "Master, I feel perfectly well. I can speak, I see you, I'm very clear-headed... I'm only cold, but I can walk alone..." I tried to stand up, but I simply couldn't move a step. I collapsed on Alex, and he carried me to our bed. He put a blanket on my body and carefully wrapped my trembling limbs. I said: "Master, I saw It, I saw the Grail! And it was for you! It was the most wonderful experience of my life, I..." Suddendly my head was spinning, and I couldn't see well anymore. My Lord told me: "Now you must eat this" "What is that?" "Honey" I said, pain in my voice :"Lord, my vow..." - Since april I have made vow not to drink or eat anything containing sugar, for helping my spiritual growth, and Alex has blessed my decision. "Darling, either you eat this honey now, or I'll take you to the hospital. Is it clear?" I said: "Master, I can't see you." "Open your mouth" we answered, and put a spoon of honey into it. I swallowed. Sweet Goddess, it was SWEET! Alex fed me other two spoons, then checked my pulse again. It was still irregular. I closed my eyes. My Lord gently shook me: "Laylah, you can't sleep now. You are better, but it's still a bit dangerous." "Dangerous, my Lord?" I was so cold, I was so tired... "Your body has experienced a shock, now you must remain awake until all is passed. I'll help you.' And Alex was wonderful, stayed with me, caressed my hair and checked my pulse a lot of times. Ater many minutes he said: "Darling, your lips and hands are not violet anymore, and your pulse is almost regular. How do you feel?" "Well, my Lord, well, but very weak, I don't know why..." He told me, with his beautiful and deep voice :"My beloved, I almost strangled you and you don't know why your body feels weak? My wonderful slave you are just... WONDERFUL!" Alex cuddled me a lot. Our telepathic channels were completely open when I told him: "My beloved Master, my soul is full of longing... I want to return there, inside thet wonderful spiral, near the Grail... I need It, I want to drink again from It... Please, Master!" Alex face was suddendly enflamed of Light, then the bright halo slowly vanished. He calmly said: "Darling, this is the most subtle trick of Maya to chain your soul. Don't cling to the ecstasy of death, don't be attached to its beauty. Here and now you can see your Grail... if you leave ALL ATTACHMENT." I closed my eyes... It was so difficult to obey my Master and Teacher! I remembered the liquid sweetness of dissolution in that oceanic spiral, I re-lived it, I sank into it, I swam in it... Alex voice was hard and full of emergency: "Slave, I know that it can be considered strange, or impossible, but I want you free from Maya, NOW!" My head was spinning again and I fought the most atrocious battle. I fought against desire and clinging, against memory and hope. I was wounded, I suffered loneliness and temptations. At last - I won. I remembered the dark nights of the soul I experienced in the past - they were so far now! - and I felt myself freshly new, just born and Awake again. My sight was clear: I saw my room, I saw Alex, and at the same time, I saw my double spiral of enchanting beauty and brightness. "Thank you, my Master, you gave me your wisdom." Alex kissed me, then immediately went to our computer and quickly and effortlessly finished translation into English, on which he had been working fruitlessly so long, of a poem by Leopardi. The last verse is: "And sweet it is to sink into this sea." He claims that only by helping me through this experience was he able to get into the mood indispensable to do it RIGHT... Thank you again, my Master and guru: you gave me the universe, you put me on the edge of death, and then you made me live again... If I lived millions and millions of lives I could't be able to thank you enough... Blessed be, you wonderful folks of the net, and thanks for your feedbacks! Laylah -- Come forth, o children, under the stars, & take your fill of love! I am above you and in you. My ecstasy is in yours. My joy is to see your joy. Laylah Martelli (lela@am.sublink.org; or, wi.5292@n7kbt.rain.com)