~From lela Wed Nov 11 20:57:14 1992
~Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage
~Subject: a bottom for three tops, and some more serious thoughts


Dearest friends,

this post is a little different from my previous ones.  It's an
account of a simple heavy, mostly whipping, scene, followed by some
thoughts about how it's difficult *to communicate* sometimes, and
of the two terrible days prompted by these thoughts, and how I
lived and survived these two days and got over it at the end.  I
found it hard to write this down, so Alex helped me more than with
just grammar and spelling and so as usual; so if you find the style
changed and you don't like it, it's HIS fault (if you DO like it
more, it's MY merit of course:-).


Saturday night (Nov 7) we had spent the evening at Sandro and Rita's
house... I had an INCREDIBLY wonderful time, but, it seems, I had
been too "cosmical" and "magical" for the occasion - all three
agreed - so Sunday morning I got scolded!  Alex pointed out that I
seemed to be always so spaced out on endorphins that it could hamper
communication with others, that maybe even these postings that it
gives me SO much pleasure to write were getting too, well, "rarefied"
for everybody's taste except a few aficionados, and indeed from all
the wonderful feedback I got at first it has reduced to a trickle, so
maybe it's true nobody enjoys it any more....
In short, that I should maybe be more "here and now"!  Well, to be
honest, it wasn't a *scolding* - just that Alex pointed out these
possibilities and suggested that I think about it...

And I *really* thought about it.  All day long I meditated on this
subject.  Sandro and Rita were at our home in the afternoon, as
was Lucio (Flavia was with her grandparents)... I didn't enjoy a
lot the boardgame we were playing, being immersed in my thoughts.
Sometimes Alex and the others were looking at me in a strange way...
but I didn't grace them with my attention either.  Once or twice
they asked me, why wasn't I happy as usual?  Well how COULD I be
happy if I wasn't to be allowed to commune with the Goddess all
the time, so that was a *silly* question!  So I kept grouching and
withdrawing in myself...

Around 9 o'clock we four adults were alone.  Immediately my Master
told me - "Laylah, do you want to do a nice scene...?  to be topped by
us three...?" "Oh yes love..." I answered - a fierce slap on my face
made me aware that the scene was already in progress.   "Yes, what?"
"Yes, my Master" I sobbed.

"I'm sorry Sandro" - my Lord told our friend - "It seems I've not
trained my slave well.  But she will be punished soon enough." I
was wearing a black leather skirt and black stockings and garters
- sexy, I'm told.  Smiling, Alex enwrapped my neck in a black
leather collar, tight enough to make it a bit hard to breathe;
Sandro handcuffed my wrists, and Rita bound my ankles, all in black
leather.  I kept my head bent, and my heart was beating fast.  They
couldn't find a blindfold to go with it all... and I didn't volunteer
any information about its whereabouts - if I could, I didn't want
to lose any sight of this!

They led me to our living room.  I saw that my master had a *real*
flogger in his hand, Sandro the crop, Rita our cane.  They made me
sit on a chair, secured my cuffs to it, and began to warm me up.
Although I was not blindfolded, my hair was loose, and it kept
obscuring my sight.  Their blows at the beginning were not very
hard, but having my body hit at exactly the same time in three
different points - well, it IS a *sensation*!

After some minutes my tops made me kneel, with my stomach pressed
to the back of the chair, my head bent, my collared neck exposed.
The intensity of the blows slowly increased, and increased...
suddenly I felt, simultaneously, sweet fingers caressing my hair,
hard hands pinching my nipples, and the terrible kiss of the
flogger devastating my shoulders...

...and my friends the endorphins greeted me, exploding throughout
my body!  Rita and Sandro and Alex weren't talking, nor could they
have planned things in that much detail in advance - I guess they
were just synchronizing each other with gestures or something.  They
were WONDERFUL!

In a sense the real flogging began only at this point, when the
tops sensed or perceived me starting full-force on the endorphin
trip!  I was completely confused by the multiplicity of sensations:
cane on my bottom, flogger on my arms, crop on my shoulders, and
I was gradually starting to be not really sure any more who was
doing what to me, nor caring even...

At some point my Master voice asked for help in undressing me, and
he and Rita did, while Sandro smoothed (combed?) my hair which had
tangled (I must have been tossing my head...).

Then I was naked, with only the stockings and garters left.  A rain
of blows hit my flesh again - I lived totally in the present.  I
awaited the lashes, welcomed them, took off totally at last, pleasure
running in my veins like hot wine... my tears began to flow freely,
I sobbed, I moaned, I kissed hands when I found some proffered to
me near my lips, which one or the other of my tops often did -
Rita's extremely soft fingers, Sandro's harder knuckles, Alex's
ringed and so well-known hand... at one point I must have been
kissing a hand too passionately, for Sandro (I think it was him)
grabbed my hair and pulled my face upwards and slapped it several
times, sternly, scolding me that I wasn't being humble enough...

Time was no more, I was my burning flesh, I arched my body offering
itself to some stroke or shying from another, who knows, my sight
always obscured by my hair, I didn't know at all any more who was
using the flogger or crop or cane by now, who was pinching my flesh
or caressing it or kissing my flanks, only my lips sometime could
tell the difference of which top's hand was being thankfully kissed.
I was open, exposed, bound, offered, beaten - I wasn't any more
following the progress of events.

A terrible triple stroke hit my shoulders, and I cried aloud with
all my breath.  Someone -who? I still don't know- lifted me bodily
and placed me in an easychair.  I was weeping softly.  Some hands
freed my eyes from hair, some loosened my bonds so they wouldn't
bite into my flesh that hard any more, and so I could breathe more
easily... at once I felt no more blows, only delicate kisses and
caresses and love surrounding me.

I focused my sight and they were all there, my three beloved tops,
cuddling me and hugging me... I guess Alex had taken my scream as
the signal that I had reached my limit; I generally don't scream,
not that loud at least.  But the fact was, I hadn't reached it
really!  I still COULD take a little bit more, physically; it was,
I think, rather *emotionally* that I had been overwhelmed by the
concentrated attentions of them all...

"Oh my sweet Masters" - I murmured softly, then I willed my voice
into some semblance of a normal tone because I didn't want them to
take pity or worry - "you were all so wonderful - may I ask for a
further boon?"

"Well, you may ASK" - Alex answered "but of course it could be not
granted... what is it?".  "First when you hit my front I was still
clothed, and when naked it was my back to be exposed; might I now
get whipped on my nude breasts...?"  I was a bit astounded myself,
but I realized that was indeed what I was yearning for as I heard
myself asking for that.  

Alex was mildly surprised, at having misguessed my limit.  Rita
was absolutely flabbergasted - as I learned later, in the scenes
SHE is used to play with Sandro, the bottom *absolutely* *doesn't*
ask for more; that would be taken as disrespect, and HARSHLY
punished!  Come to think of it, I used to do it this way too; more
recently I've come to appreciate more the value of information
that simply given, that simply received, rather than "staying in
role" to the possible detriment of information exchange (oh, we
still play a LOT of straight domination/submission scenes, with the
bottom totally given over to the top's will, but our "average"
scene has drifted towards a lot more open communication)... I guess
that, by switching, one realizes how nice it is as a top to obtain
such information that easily sometimes rather than having to guess
at it all the time!  Rita's still *very* new at the topping part
of it (though she's DEFINITELY got a LOT of promise!-) - we'll see.

Sandro had NO problem - he was wearing his "yes, exactly as I
thought!" face.  I don't know why but we're often incredibly in
tune... he simply asked Alex, "Shall you go first?".  Alex nodded.
He got the flogger and stood at my side; I was not bound again,
but just crossed my arms behind my back spontaneously.

My Master began to lash me.  He was not harsh, but each time the
many leather thongs of the flogger hit my already heated flesh, I
cried.  "I hit mildly", he said, "just to warm you up.  Rita?"
She declined: she says she doesn't feel enough control of the
flogger yet.  I remember I also once thought breast-whipping
needed perfect control, that the crop was the only perfect tool
for that... so Sandro took charge.  He cuffed my wrists behind
my back again.  Alex placed himself behind the easy chair, and
he offered me his hand to bite... "So you won't scream again - we
don't want to worry the neighbors - this will also protect your
face, should any thong wander up to here", he explained.

Sandro lashed me a lot harder than my Master had.  I arched my
breast towards the flogger, new hot tears streaming down my cheeks,
and bit down on Alex's hand... Sandro kept reminding me of the two
safewords I had, "yellow" and "red", but I just looked at him...

Suddenly Alex said "Open your eyes each time you're hit, and only
close them again when you're ready for another blow".  I did so;
this allowed me to pace things myself, so I could savour each wave
of pain fully before asking for the next one.  My universe became
pregnant with pain, and ecstasy near, so near...  As my eyes closed
in preparation, as I waited for next stroke, Sandro would sometimes
swish the flogger emptily through the air, or hit the other empty
easy chair next to mine with a terrifying THUD - and I cried and
my body arched with physical fear, with terror, as if I had been
hit myself!  As he lashed the air or the furniture, I was there,
exposed, collared, bound, eyes closed, trembling - my Master's hand
ready between my teeth for them to clamp down on it to avoid my
scream - and there was no space in my mind for anything except that
terrible, so urgent question - "WHEN will he lash ME?  How hard?
WHEN?"  And then something like a sword would etch a trench of
pain into my breast, or my flanks, and my teeth would bit down
hard and my eyes would open for a few seconds... then closed again.

Sandro played with me this way, incredibly skillfully, till he got
me weeping uncontrollably, with a lost child's unstoppable stream
of tears...  "Now, Laylah" - he said - "the blows are going to get
REAL strong".  My Goddess, ONLY now...?  I offered myself.  Each
time the force of the blows increased, each time I felt my skin,
the thin and sensitive and delicate skin of my breasts, more torn
and lacerated by the flogger's blades...

I didn't know how long it went on like this.  Rita was looking on,
and sometimes kissing or stroking my hair; Alex sometimes changed
which one of his hands was as a bit between my teeth... did I
really think, once, that the crop was the only right tool for a
breast flogging?  Yes, it must have been me, I vaguely recall
that - yet, how WRONG I was!-)  The flogger is SO much better -
so much worse, I mean - oh well, you KNOW what I mean! :-)

Abruptly I realized how much care and tenderness was being lavished
on me.  They ALL loved me - and I them!  Sandro's love was right
then and there the most forcefully expressed, but no less was the
adoration in Alex's hand, or Rita's delicate caresses... I was
lulled by their affection at the same time my flesh was being
torn and bruised by the flogger...

Then the flogger hit my right nipple, and I heard my hoary voice
crying "yellow, yellow, yellow" repeatedly - Alex's hand on my
mouth so light as not to interfere with my safeword at all.  At
this, again my three tops embraced me.  Rita was kissing my
tear-stained cheeks, and lapping my tears with her tongue; Alex
and Sandro kissed my nipples and delicately sucked on them and
VERY delicately bit them... and while it WAS all pleasant, one
touch of my Master's teeth on my badly bruised nipple finally
overwhelmed the last shred of my defences and I screamed out the
single syllable - "RED"!

I lay there sobbing, my eyes closed, my head overturned.  I vaguely
felt somebody removing all my bonds, carefully, not to hurt me any
more, and soothing wonderful voices proclaiming love to me... I
couldn't speak coeherently, I just sobbed some more.  After minutes
enough of my consciousness returned - "I'm sorry", I said to the
three wonderful persons who had topped me SO well, "I'm sorry I
safeworded so soon..."

My Master smiled.  "Almost two hours - not THAT soon to me...
particularly as you CHEWED my hand at the end, not just BIT it!"
Rita caressed my face - "you were wonderful...".  I thanked them
again, then asked if I could have their hands to kiss.  "Only
our rings, slave", replied my Master, again, unexpectedly, harsh.
Oh well he knows me - that very harshness melted my heart once
more, and I was in paradise as I licked the fresh gold and silver
metal on their fingers...

"Slave" - my Lord said - "you do deserve a gift.  What do you want?"
"A small cutting, or burn, to enrich my spiral", I asked without
hesitation.  Alex didn't hesitate either - at once he asked Sandro
and Rita to hold me VERY still, thrust a clean handkerchief in my
mouth for me to bite, then lit a cigarette - and at once EXTINGUISHED
it on the flesh of my right flank!  As the smell of my own burning
flesh reached my nostrils, and the pain my endorphin-riddled brain,
as my body arched and thrashed in Sandro and Rita's strong hands,
I was thrust straight on a rocket to paradise.  Oh how I LOVE to
be burned!  Just the glancing touches of flame, hot metal, or
burning incense or tobacco, that make up most of the spiral on my
right flank, are heavenly enough by themselves; but when my Lord
deigns to PRESS the red-hot metal, or the cigarette, deeply against
my flesh, well, no words can tell of THAT ecstasy!

When they freed my mouth again, I sobbed happiness and thanks.  Then
I was able to *see* my marks for the first time - all my breast,
flanks and belly had been Alex's and Sandro's canvas - and well
have they painted me...:-)  I am full of wonderful, angry-red
stripes, and bruises turning coloured, and that burnmark towering
gloriously in my spiral of burns and cuts and brands...

"You see, darling, being HERE, and NOW, does not diminish you at
all, does it?".  I can never tell for sure when Alex is joking and
when he is serious, but, however it be, he's RIGHT this time: no
barrier at all was this night between here and heavens!



...and a post scriptum is needed!  How hard it is sometimes to
see what's in another's mind, even one you have known well, and
for a long time, and even if reciprocal love is there...

Early Monday morning (Alex had left for work already) I phoned
Sandro and Rita (who were still home) to thank and tell them about
my wonderful marks and calm any worry they might have had - and it
turns out that, while Sandro had understood perfectly the how and
why of the night's heavy scene - Rita thought it had been a PUNISHMENT
for me, for the unwelcome magick I had worked on her, without her
consent, at her house Saturday night, and which had troubled her
so much at the time!  And she said that, while harsher than she
would have made it, she thought it a *deserved* punishment and
hoped it would teach me never to do that again... and all the time
throughout the scene I had thought she had been understanding and
enjoying things!

Oh well.  I won't disabuse her of her misconceptions, since it
gives her satisfaction to think me "punished" for my transgression;
nor will I indeed ever more work any spell on her unless she asks
me to quite plainly - I shouldn't have in the first place, although
it was for her good.  But I'm still wondering about understanding,
and communication, and love, and pain and joy and punishment, and
how they all interact, and how what is so plain is misinterpreted...
This realization ruined all the good aftereffects of this wonderful
scene.  I still love Rita, and she me, but, it's better we not meet
for a while; though it saddens me to say so.

The next two days were horrible, as I was racked between my doubts
about whether I had really ever been able to SAY anything to anybody,
ever UNDERSTAND what anybody else was telling, or if it was all
misunderstanding, all sound and fury signifying nothing... 

As well, for these two terrible days I lost contact with the Goddess
and with Fenris: it was a real HELL!  Then this morning, Nov 11,
I found my way to peace and Light once more...
And just when I was Awaken again, They returned, embraced my soul, and
we were one again. "My Goddess, My Goddess, why, why did I suffer
so much?  Why did you leave me ALONE?"
"Because you MUST help other people.  And to help them you must
understand their loneliness, and their pain.  You lived in a hell,
and you reached heaven today: you did it.  Now you know how to
help your friends..."
My tears began to flow...

Fenris told me: "Your Master was right, in a sense.  You must be
here and now AND at the same time, in communion with us.  If you
are not attached, it will be very easy.  And... Laylah... never
you were completely alone.  You really felt in this way, and it
was a harsh lesson, but She and I were always close to you - and
always we'll be.  Blessed be, now, dear one, and to work!".


So, I'll have to write a bit less often, lots of work piled up
anyway.  In the meantime, Bright blessings to all of you, and,
May Lady Night grant you all the merriest Dreams meanwhile,
        Laylah