Mr. Pope says, in a conversation about the questionable accuracy of a hoary old S&M adage that, like the Energizer Bunny, keeps going and going and going...

>>> Personally, I think a top can learn quite a bit from having a long-term relationship with a psychologically submissive partner. Witnessing submission on an intimate basis can be exceedingly valuable. <<<

Yep, I agree 100%. It works the other way around too. I can speak and write pretty intelligently about the dominant experience primarily because I have been on intimate terms with a dominant for so long. I get it--at least my head does. The rest of me still responds with "Who in their RIGHT MIND would want to be dom?"

I think that it also helps if the dominant has a large dose of empathy: he or she can feel the submissive's emotions without necessarily sharing the context or the motivation.

Donald says that when he tries to "grok" (and no, he doesn't really use the word grok--g) submission he thinks about the closest thing in his personal experience to it, which was some difficult initiation ordeal he underwent in his youth which profoundly affected his life view. Having heard about this, I don't quite get why the initiation reminds him of a sub's experience (it seems the crux of it is he had to patiently wait for something to come while performing a constant task, a vigil) but it (and his generous dose of empathy) sure make him capable of understanding me. It's uncanny at times--this understanding--and, based on his knowledge alone, I'd almost susepct him of harboring secret sub motivations. But I don't have his knowledge alone to deal with, it's intermixed with his personality, which is a completely different matter.