Dear Residue,

In regards to ice play, every sub is different. Some really like it; some hate it. I'm one of those who hates it, so my master uses it on me (a) when he feeling particularly sadistic and (b) as a punishment for disobedience. For me, it's a very effective deterrent.

I hate cold sensations a great deal, so Donald, in noting this, has made it a daily practice (you might even call it a ritual--g) to take the bottle of refrigerated seltzer water I bring him every night before bed and roll it around on my back and belly after he's blindfolded and collared me to the bed. What a meanie, eh? I hate that cold feeling, but every night I get that frigging bottle on my skin somewhere, and I'm not allowed to push it away; I've got to stay still till he's had his fun.

Why not be nice (and unlike Donald!) and go slow with the ice and see if she likes it? Don't shove it up her anus first thing--rub a cube up and down her belly, around her breasts, on her mound, on her thighs, back, and shoulders. If she reacts positively to these less-sensitive areas, try moving the cube betwen her vagina lips and between her ass cheeks. Even do the bottoms of her feet, but save insertion for last--it's the worst. If she's the type who really hates cold stuff she'll probably let you know before you reach that last stage.

Couple of other thoughts: if you do reach the insertion stage: watching and commenting upon the melting water as it drips from whatever hole you placed it in is a nice humilation, if you're into that.

Ice-play is often preceded by blindfolding, so your sub doesn't know what you're up to beforehand. She thinks it'll be just a standard paddling and then there's this...sensation. But what is it? It's hard to tell sometimes if you're blind and not expecting it. Fire and Ice is the term for a particularly nice combo: hot wax (or ash) and ice alternated. A lot of subs really, really like this. Remember, if you're doing hot wax, you may want to grease her up first so that the wax doesn't burn as badly or stick to her skin. And use the white candles--they're the safest (or so I've heard).

The most extreme case of fire-and-ice play that I've ever heard of concerned a dom (a friend of a friend) who was playing with his sub's girlfriend (a comparative newbie). He and this woman had played together before, but she really didn't know him that well and she was fairly new to S&M play in general. He placed her on a cross and then threatened to brand her on the breast: he heated the brand, brought it close to her skin, etc. Then he blindfolded her, saying he didn't want her to see this. She was totally terrifed by that time, especially as her begging him not to do this didn't seem to have any effect. When he brought the brand up real close, only substituting an ice cube for it at the last moment, she shrieked in agony and her skin reddened and blistered under the cube. She said it felt like a severe burn and I don't think she ever played with the guy again. This is a pretty intense head trip and I don't recommend that you try this right away with your girlfriend, but it's an interesting story nonetheless.