>>> Please bear with me; it's very late and I'm trying to stay quiet since I'll catch hell if my mother finds me reading ASB. <<<

Shhhh, Elle!

You're typing too loud! I can hear it all the way over here in my state.

Seriously, that's an awful situation to be in. You have my sympathies.

>>> First, I have a hard time seeing a scene I'm subbing in ending at my whim. When I sub, I have no whims. My goal is solely to please my dom, and calling safeword just because I felt like it is completely alien to me. <<<

Ok. But if calling safeword is completely alien to you when you submit then why do you do submission scenes with safewords? If it's not something you're going to use in the first place, why keep it around?

My experience is different. I have an easy time seeing a scene I'm submitting in ending at my whim. Yes, I can take pain when I have no choice about it, but give me an out--any out--and I'm very liable to use it, and use it prematurely. I think it's called being a wimp. And maybe I expect other people to be the same way: that if you make a scene severe enough--say, do things in such a way that the endorphins do not have a chance to enter the picture (we could call this the "dental drill" style of S&M, I suppose) and go on and on and on without any respite, the submissive is going to call his or her safeword, if one has been granted.

I wish I could get rid of my whims when I actually submit, but I can't. Submitting, for me, whether in scene or out, is always a matter of controlling my rather strong and impulsive desires sufficiently to do my master's will. I don't have much difficulty with that when the experiences do not involve physical pain: I've had lots of practice, and there are all sorts of ways to trick one's whim-producer. (Whoa, Nellie! Here's a sugarcube, old gal; now you just wander through that cute little ol' gate, that's it, girl...SLAM!) But physical pain sometimes makes all of those tricks fly out that window that's located just above my left ear, and all that I can think about is stopping the pain. A safeword which my dominant agreed would completely stop the scene would just be too easy, too tempting for me to use.

There are times when a submissive must communicate something during a scene. Our alternative to safewords is...communication! I am required to explain why I want something to stop. This is much more difficult to do than yelling a single word, and it won't stop what's going on unless my reason is damn good and unrelated to superficial whims. This way works well with me, because Donald's trained me to remain articulate during play. If I became too inarticulate to explain why I want a scene to stop, I'm liable to be too inarticulate to use or to remember to use a safeword (Donald's training in this area has been extensive enough that probably only very extreme physical or mental states would put it out of commission--I imagine it's kind of like doing psychoactive drugs: if you practice while "under the influence," you learn how to function normally and communicate coherently despite the bizarre things going on inside you: the term we used for this in the '70s was "maintaining." I maintain well under torture.)

>>> ...I scream, I beg, I cry, and in the end I ask for more, because that's what my dom wants. I submit my desires to his. To me, this is power exchange....by placing more importance on his wishes than on mine, I am giving him power over me. <<<

Another question for you, then I'm going to discuss my personal experience, as it contrasts with this, some more. I see "placing more importance on his wishes than on mine" as consideration, as giving of oneself, as a loving or at least a selfless act, but I have a hard time seeing how that is giving your dominant power over you. Could you elaborate on that?

My motivations are a little different than yours. I, too, want to serve my dominant, and I get a real good feeling from doing that, but I also equally want for me to have no choice in serving him. That's what gets me off the most: that nonconsensual kick. I don't want it to come entirely from my own free will, so I suppose I've never perceived power in terms of a gift I give my dominant, because it implies that the power is actually all mine, to give and take as I please. And it isn't--at least not with Donald. And I don't want it to be that way, ever (which probably explains why I found Donald to be such a good match for my needs: he doesn't ever want it to be that way, either).

Not only would I find a safeword extremely tempting to use, but it would put me in an unpleasant headspace, a headspace in which I felt that, at least in theory, even if I never used it, I always, ultimately, had a way to control my dominant during a scene. Having the possibility of using a safeword is just as real to me as actually using one and has an identical effect on my submissive libido: nerrrrrrrrrooooowwwww....splash! It would be different if I could perceive the safeword as a mere communications tool, but I cannot do this and remain honest with myself, because for me, it would never be just a communications tool: I could never forget that I could theoretically control my dominant with it.