Ny says in response to my metaphorical flight of fancy to Sir Sir:

>>> Hmmm. I read your post twice, Rosie, and I still don't see what is wrong what Sir Sir said. <<<

That's probably because not only is there nothing wrong with what he said, but I never said there was. What I did say was that his description of a power exchange is almost an exact opposite of what I have come to experience and love as D&S power exchange. Then I went on and on in countless metaphors (which Fred Morris scientifically deconstructed for me--thank you very much, Fred--g) to describe what my experience is. By the way, lest this get misconstrued, I don't mind a bit if folks deconstruct my metaphors or point out their flaws to their hearts content (and god knows, they contain lots of flaws!). However, it is rather important to me that people not equate my happy affirmation of my experience with the act of saying to someone, "You're wrong." Doing that to what I wrote is called misrepresentation, and it happens for many reasons, but, in my experiences, it is usually because someone is reading something defensively. Sir Sir's description of a power exchange is one evidently shared by many people, because I've seen the very thing spoken of many times on ASB. However, I wanted to offer a contrasting, if minority, experience.

>>> He rules her, but she gave herself willingly to be ruled. <<<

I think someone already responded well to this, but I'll add a couple of cents. Let's backtrack: the single quote I was responding to in Sir Sir's message was: "By acting as the dominant I am allowed (note the operative word here, for it is my submissive that is allowing me to act dominant)..." He's not talking about "ruling" in this quote, he's talking about being permitted something, being granted a boon only so long as the permitter--who has ultimate veto power--allows him to. We have something very similar to that in our relationship, actually. Donald sometimes "allows" me to give him orders in very limited circumstances (such as when I am teaching him some new software trick). I "tell" him to to push this key or type this command, and often in my bossiest tone of voice, until he learns what he wants to know (or until he tires of my 'tude--g). In any case, whenever he wants, he "pulls" the power back, he orders me to stop instructing, and if I have gotten too full of myself and don't stop, well, my woo-woo quickly feels the consequences of such hubris . He can do this because he's the one ultimately in charge, and that's the way I like it; that's what I've grown to experience and love. Conversely, I can't do the same to him: I can't "allow" him to be dominant over me, whether for minutes at a time or decades at a time, always knowing in the back of my mind that I could suddenly pull the power back and say, unlike the movie song, "Oh, Donald, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him!" (thanks, Dire Straits--g) If I could do that, if I had the ultimate veto, I would also have all the power and his "rule" of me would be a puppet rule, a sham. He would be a figurehead of a dominant put in place by me so I could pretend to be a slave while living my life in utter safety, knowing I was actually the one holding all the strings. I'm not commenting on whether this is right or wrong for other people--everyone has different needs and interests, and for some this sort of situation might be the ultimate in happiness and fulfillment--but I am saying that for me, this would be wrong, all wrong, feel bad, false, fake, and horrible, like my blood had decided (oh here I go again, another metaphor--but the point of these metaphors is not their scientific accuracy, of course, but to convey a sense how strongly and viscerally I feel this) to run backwards and my veins had suddenly decided to do my arteries' work and vice-versa.

>>> But didn't the earth put herself there? In any way? Or at least go willingly when pulled into orbit?... <<<

A resounding yes to all of these questions! Absolutely! (at least in my experience).

>>>...How could the earth be orbiting with any consensuality and not be allowing what is going on to go on? <<<<

I'm not sure I understand this completely, but hey, that's never stopped me from answering a question yet! My answer to this is that, in my personal experience (but not my astrophysical experience--g), once you're sucked into orbit around a body more powerful than yourself, you're stuck. Yes, you were initially attracted to the object and you willingly drew close, but once your proximity reaches a certain critical point, there's no pulling away. The gravity of the more powerful object has you in its grasp.

This is fun. I think I'll expand on the metaphor a little more. But don't forget, we're really talking about people here (and I'm really talking about what I've really experienced), so this metaphor (like all the other metaphors I use) is not meant to be an exact one. It's just meant to illustrate or illuminate or strike a chord or provide a whiff of something that's very difficult to talk about.

Say the Earth were sentient and started out its life as a stray asteroid or a rogue planet, a proudly independent ragtag wanderer of the universe, its little felt three-cornered traveller's cap set juantily on one pole, and then suddenly! Kabang! It is so attracted to the Sun it is passing that it moves close enough to be drawn into orbit around it, just as you suggest. Now pretend that gravitational force is something that is a rich mixture of both love and power. The Earth, held firmly in orbit by the gravitational force of the Sun, begins to rotate, develops an atmosphere and all sorts of other wonderful qualites within the warm, radiant embrace of its lord and master. Now, my personal experience is that once one begins to orbit around a very strong object, an object with a gravitational force orders of magnitude stronger than your own, you may find it difficult or impossible to leave orbit of your own volition, no matter how much you may sometimes want it. In addition, the act of orbiting, which can be compared to active submission, itself influences and stablizes the once-rogue planet, making it even less likely to become a stray ever again.

Yes, my active desire and will brought me to the doorstep (whoops, I mean gravitational well!) of my master, but once there, his active desire and will (along with my cooperation--although it always played a minor role and was, from very early on, totally controlled by him) kept me there. If you have never met a person who acted upon you as the Sun acts upon the planets it keeps within its gravitational sphere, you may not completely accept or believe that this could be an illustration of a human relationship, no matter how badly you wish it were so. Certainly, before I met Donald, I would not have believed it possible that a person as powerful as hem could exist--a person who could control me even during the times when I actively didn't want to be controlled. But such people do exist. I've met one. And this is my experience.