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Re: longtime lurker has questions
Fri, 13 May, 1994
Dear Rob,
You ask, "how is it for me?" Much better than my formerly-vanilla sex life
by about a thousand orders of magnitude, but anyone can see that from
reading my messages. I'll say more about this in a minute, but first I
want to answer your other question.
>>> What does it mean that you don't have vanilla sex? <<<
Sex is the word that in this newsgroup seems to get more people and
threads in trouble than any other word. People read a message where
someone states an opinion about "sex" and they instantly insert their own
personal and usually completely different definition for "sex" into the
message and then get totally pissed at the writer because how could they
be saying such stupid awful things about "sex" and pretty soon you've
got a free-for-all starting to ooze out the salon doors and onto the
street all because each participant has a radically different idea about
which acts, attitudes, ideas, and emotions do and do not constitute
"sex."
So with that said, let me try to define my terms as much as possible.
When I said "vanilla sex" in my message I was talking primarily about
heterosexual intercourse and secondarily about sexual activity of any
sort that has no D&S element to it. We don't do either. Why not?
Well, we both love D&S too much not to have it be a part of everything
overtly sexual (and non-sexual) that we do. The intercourse thing is
Donald's choice--he's just not that into standard vanilla sex. He says
he never has been, but with me he particularly likes my mouth .
Back to your first question. How is it for me? Well, on a few very rare
occasions I start to feel like a nun and sometimes almost as if I were
a virgin again. That's a weird and almost wonderous feeling--sort of an
empty clean feeling. I mention it, because it is the only thing that I
might label a "downside" to the way Donald controls our sexuality, as my
mind occasionally translates that emptiness into a lack, a not full
sensation. I wonder if formerly heterosexual, now lesbian, women ever feel
this way? I'm much more anally-oriented than vaginal, and so even when
given a choice, I rarely want to stick a vibrator or dildo in my
pussy--they just don't do much for me. Donald allows me to have a couple
of orgasms a week, one right after the other, and I come by masturbating
myself (usually after I've been built to a frenzy by all our other
activities). Donald gets very excited from the S&M play too, and when he
calls for my "lip service" , he often comes within a very short time
because he's very ready. Like many D&S practitioners, a lot of what passes
for my sexuality goes on invisibly in my head, and it's by far the most
intense sexuality I've ever experienced. I think you could safely put me
in the addicted slut category .
Oh, want to know something else weird about us? We don't French
kiss--Donald doesn't like it, thinks it's yucky--girl cooties and all
that germy stuff. My sexuality is so tied up in serving someone else
and being enslaved that I think you could even take most or all of the
phsycial trappings of S&M away--the bondage, the whippings, the sexual
teasing and torment, and I could still be pefectly satisfied--as long as
my partner was completely controlling me. I suppose you could almost
say that being controlled is a fetish of mine
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